Your Guide to Cultivate a Conscious Relationship

Conscious relationships require a growth mindset, self-awareness, radical honesty, intentional efforts, and uncompromising support for the personal evolution of ourselves and our partner.

Conscious relationships are about partners coming together to understand each other’s experience in the relationship and co-creating one that functions for both of them in a way that feels mutually rewarding and beneficial.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck in a relationship where your needs aren’t being met and your relationship isn’t growing, and you’re looking for the ultimate guide to creating a conscious relationship, you’re in the right place!

What is a conscious relationship?

A conscious relationship is one that is intentional, growth oriented, and decisive. It prioritizes honest and transparent communication, compassion, understanding, and self-honoring choices  in order to evolve as individuals and as partners.

This type of relationship extends beyond co-dependent patterns of relating and functions from a place of interdependence that values and supports personal freedom, autonomy, and self-actualization so both partners can grow into their true potential. Conscious relationships are  about negotiating and working together towards shared relationship goals rather than meeting hard-set expectations. They’re about authenticity, openness, and building a relationship that allows for individual growth while receiving encouragement and support from our partner as we navigate our chosen experiences that expand us. 

You can’t hide behind fear and avoid uncomfortable conversations when addressing problems or needs. In a conscious relationship we must face our feelings, practice radical honesty, and take intentional action to create the relationship environment and experience we prefer to have. Creating a conscious relationship requires us to get curious about our experience and how we’re showing up, negotiate our differences, and work together to better meet our partner’s connection needs.

The history of conscious relationships

Harville Hendrix coined the term “conscious marriage” in his 1988 best-seller Getting the Love You Want. In this revolutionary book, he defined the ten characteristics of a conscious relationship. These included healing old wounds by cultivating a deep relationship, taking responsibility for your emotions, and acting with intention, among other vital elements. 

Why are conscious relationships a necessity?

Making a commitment to your relationship, prioritizing honesty and compassion, and devoting yourself to growth and transformation are essential to manifesting the love–and life–you want. Conscious relationships allow us to show up completely, own our actions, and trust that our partner will be along with us for the journey. 

Factors of a conscious relationship

There are many factors that contribute to healthy, conscious relationships. Here are a few of the most significant puzzle pieces. Keep in mind that, just like the intricacies of your partnership, these elements are deeply interconnected with one another. 

High levels of self-awareness

Self-awareness on both sides is a fundamental element of any conscious relationship. This can be achieved through reflection and self-inquiry. After all, it’s hard to truly know your partner when you don’t really know yourself. 

Of course, recognizing your patterns, tendencies, and emotions can be challenging. Gut-wrenching, even. It’s often easier to be blissfully unaware. When you confront yourself–and show your partner who you really are–you might end up feeling like a burden. But taking this step will open you up to a truly authentic relationship. 

Making self-love a priority doesn’t mean you’re ignoring your other half. In fact, it really indicates that you can provide a solid foundation for your relationships because you’re showing up for yourself first. 

Focusing on the here and now, instead of the long term

Understanding how past experiences have affected you is crucial to healing old wounds, but dwelling on the past–or the future–won’t help you grow and thrive.

Conscious relationships prioritize growth and evolution above the idea of what your partnership might look like in the future. These relationships allow you to loosen your grip on expectations and celebrate the evolution of yourself, your partner, and your ever-unfolding romance. 

Compassion is a key to conscious relationships

Compassion for yourself and your partner is another crucial element in conscious relationships. Holding space for tough or complicated emotions reinforces your commitment to growth and transformation. When you and your partner feel safe being vulnerable, it allows for an authentic, secure connection. 

Everyone accepts responsibility for their actions, good or bad

Another integral part of the conscious relationship is taking ownership of your actions and emotions. After all, you and your partner must be able to trust each other completely in order to feel safe and secure enough to express vulnerabilities. 

Part of accepting responsibility is looking inward to understand how you found yourself where you are today. It means confronting discomfort from a place of curiosity and compassion, both for yourself and your partner. In any deeply committed relationship, the unhealed parts of ourselves will eventually show themselves. It’s up to you to own your shadow self and do the internal work to understand why you are the way you are.

Maintaining realistic expectations in the relationship

We all set expectations of ourselves and others, both consciously and unconsciously. When we (or our partners) fail to meet these expectations, it causes frustration, disappointment, and discomfort. However, it’s imperative that we understand why we set these parameters, what we get out of them, and the challenges they may create for our partners. Typically, expectations are rooted in our connection needs, which can oppose the needs of our partner and can end up creating conflict. This is why learning how to communicate and negotiate effectively is imperative for the health and longevity of your relationship.

Maybe certain expectations help you control your anxiety or make you feel safe. If that’s the case, ask yourself why and decide whether or not it serves you, your partner, and your relationship. 

Of course, it’s also essential to be honest about your desires. It’s easy to assume your partner knows what you want, but that’s rarely the case. Expecting our partner to mind-read or anticipate our needs only sets us up for disappointment and conflict.

Understanding the growth process

The term “growing pains” exists for a reason. Transformation is uncomfortable, but understanding how our minds work can help.

As you and your partner evolve in your relationship, you’ll encounter many agreements and disagreements. Every experience can help you grow in some way–it’s just a matter of insight, interpretation, and working together to find mutually satisfying solutions.

If you remember to approach your relationship from a place of curiosity, compassion, and honesty, you can overcome almost anything together.

Alchemai Counseling is here to help you and your partner develop  a healthy, conscious relationship!

At Alchemai Holistic Psychotherapy + Integrative Wellness Collective, we’re dedicated to helping our clients understand themselves, recognize their strengths, and explore all aspects of the mind, body, and spirit. 

If you’re ready to understand yourself or your relationship on a deeper level, contact us today to book an appointment. We can’t wait to work with you!